They/Them
When I was five, I dreamt of a dreamscape.
I built it, and now I present it to you—through hidden drapes.
There is no escape, only the tall tale of the fabric’s entangled estate.
When I was 5!
I loved to jump on trampolines,
I’d trample my siblings
Bouncing upon our feet
Falling to our knees
Laughing freely with ease.
When I was 5!
I loved trumpeting elephant tunes,
I loved playing pretend bouncing upon the bed,
Until I hit my head of course!
But that would never really stop me!
When I was 5 …
Something really horrific happened to me,
I was groomed with ease you see,
And after that,
I never really shook off the feeling,
No matter how much
Kneeling or bouncing my body performs,
Or trumpeting my tunes of devilish pursuits,
My bed now the playground for my nurtured,
Sultry appetites
So now that I am grown, and not a child at the age of 5,
I can acknowledge but one thing,
When I was 5, something really horrific happened to me,
And it continued to follow me,
Claw its way towards me,
Clinging into my tiny
Tension held back
And I think about
The fact
That if I had known more about
THAT.
Maybe, I would’ve fought back,
And I wouldn’t really,
Have had to
Recall
All that,
Instead of something so innocent,
Like a child’s love, of trampolines.
Photo by Nyk Thorn and found photo of me
I am Chloe Maria Anne Birdgeman—Otherwise known as Maria, my art name is Mazza.
I have often been told one thing, reoccuring throughout my life.
‘Your voice is your most radical tool.’
I understand you know, deeply, the role I play as the well curated fool.
Good enough to fool you, with the clever humour dripping with sorrowful blues.
The fool who says anything but what you want them to, but know in your heart it aches with twisted truth,
it needs to just be said directly to you,
everything I ever say or do is to try to be honest and true,
to be as vulnerable about the rage pain and play, with you.
This work is my cry for resolution and revolution—to cultivate something beautiful from pain.
I ask not just for empathy, but for engagement. It’s a quiet, emotionally vast space curated for me—and yet, I offer everything—to you?
Will you take the time to walk with me, to sit in the discomfort I carry?
Will you bear witness, knowing that trauma often lives silently within the body, and mind shifting shape, rebuilding constantly, over time?
Photos by Nyk Thorn
I believe in moments of vulnerability. They connect us, define us and reshape our perspectives. That is what it means to grow, it is to learn how to love and fight for not only ourselves, but for each other, for a place where we nurture, to create a home within that space of cultivation.
So, I offer this behind the scene shot of my video of the audio used within the exhibition. I struggle to perform with the passion, emotion I intended originally, as it brings so much forward. I am determined to persevere through it, to live by my art, to live by my morality.
Note that this video contains content that some may find distressing
